November 9, 2009
Also contemplates preemptively suing prodco for stealing premise
New Jersey scribe Allan Markum recently took the day off work to focus on “one of the biggest career decisions of his life.” Specifically, he was trying to decide whether he should sign Benderspink’s release form.
“I wasn’t comfortable with eleven aspects of the deal,” said Markum, referring to the 1-page, industry-standard release. “It’s like the whole document is geared toward protecting Benderspink. What about my rights? How do I know they won’t just steal my script, cast a bunch of big-name actors in it, turn it into a $400 million blockbuster…and then leave me out of the profits entirely?”
Chief among Markum’s concerns was the clause indemnifying Benderspink should they happen to already be developing a concept similar to his submission.
“See, now I’m thinking they’ve already seen my query,” he said. “They probably sent me this ‘special form’ to trick me into signing away the rights for my totally original love potion comedy. I talked to my cousin, a divorce lawyer in Philadelphia, and he said I could probably sue them right now.”
For now, Markum plans to simply keep a close eye on Benderspink – and every single project they develop or produce over the next decade.
November 5, 2009
‘Recession or no recession, that’s my fucking Beamer!’
Mark Hanson can no longer afford the $939 monthly lease payment on his silver 650i convertible, but that isn’t stopping the 34-year-old former WMA literary agent from trying to hang onto his most prized possession.
“Let’s just say those bastards have to find ‘Chelsea’ before they can tow her,” said Hanson. “And I’ve got a lot of friends with three- and four-car garages. I’d rather die than give up my baby.”
Hanson, whose actual baby lives with his ex-wife and is draining his savings at an alarming rate, doesn’t regret leasing the car eight months ago, despite the fact it was nearly twice as much as he could afford.
“I was a big-timer,” he said. “I mean, I’m still a big-timer. Look, the point is the BMW is mine. And anyone who thinks he can take it from me has another thing coming.”
Hanson then removed the foreclosure notice from his home’s front door, tore it up and pretended like the whole thing never happened.
November 4, 2009
Teaser website already in the works
November 3, 2009
The Goats Of Christmas Past
A lonely farmer is haunted by three goats he used to fornicate with back in the 70s.
Based on the novel by Jethro Callahan.
Baldwinia
Two women find themselves trapped in a world where every man alive is a different Baldwin brother.
Writer: Danny Baldwin
Purrposal
Animated tale. Plot being kept under wraps.
November 2, 2009
Actor always on the lookout for scripts from strangers
International film star Russell Crowe couldn’t wait to get home last night so he could read bartender and aspiring screenwriter John Feingold’s romantic comedy “Drinking Buddies.”
“I came in looking for a beer,” said Crowe. “But I’m pretty sure I left with my next project. I mean, I’ve been offered scripts by waiters, prostitutes, limo drivers, police officers, the homeless, FedEx workers, gardeners and countless other random people – but something tells me this bartender’s story is the one.”
According to Crowe, it gets “extremely tiring” reading quality scripts from produced writers who have proven themselves time and time again. That’s why he’s always on the lookout for scripts from absolute strangers.
Feingold wasn’t surprised by Crowe’s enthusiasm for the project.
“Most Hollywood scripts are the same. This one isn’t like that at all. Any actor would be lucky to play the lead in Drinking Buddies,” said the bartender, who’s currently part of a writers’ group in Pasadena. “Russell wouldn’t necessarily be my first choice, but at least it would let him show his range.”
October 31, 2009
10. Makes your popcorn taste like buttered binary code
9. Guaranteed Seizure Technology™
8. For first time ever, a character will exist only in your mind
7. Entire screen literally wrapped around your fucking face
6. Sequel hyped with “groundbreaking mid-movie teaser trailer”
5. Even the actors forced to wear 3D glasses
4. Picture-in-picture features Cameron explaining why every scene is awesome
3. New color invented: blurple
2. Entire movie shot on Sony Hyper Digital UltraLux Version 2.1.Chrome
1. No more seats. Audience encouraged to bow during screening
Have you heard of more impressive innovations? List them in the comments section.
October 29, 2009
Scribe jumps at ‘great opportunity’
Despite making nearly $100,000 a year as an accountant, aspiring screenwriter Josh Pendleton has agreed to write a script for producer Kevin Dernier in exchange for absolutely nothing.
“It’s all about getting a foot in the door. At least that’s what Kevin tells me,” said Pendleton, eager to start work on his first free draft. “The nice thing is that it’s Kevin’s idea, so he’s got a lot of passion for it, and I don’t have to worry about ‘creative rights’ or any of those annoying details.”
Dernier, who was an associate producer on The Adventures of Pluto Nash in 2002, claims this particular project will be a great learning experience for Pendleton.
“I’m guessing I’ll put Josh through the ringer for like 14 months,” he said. “After that, he’ll get angry, realize the rights belong to me, and now I’ve got a nice rough draft I can get some other newbie to polish for me.”
Pendleton has already taken off three days of work to get a head start on the outline.
“Projects like this tend to move quick, from what I hear on screenwriting message boards,” he said. “The sooner I get this script written, the sooner Kevin can show it to his vast array of studio contacts.”
October 28, 2009
Could also use additional praise and sympathy
October 27, 2009
Carman
A dying mechanic extends his life by hooking himself up to a 1967 Mustang…fusing man and machine and creating pure awesomeness.
Based on a pitch by Jay Leno.
Flan of The Month
A taut thriller about a man who joins a flan of the month club, only to find out each month’s flan is made of people!
Writer: James Wan
Inkjet
Based on the popular printer style.
October 26, 2009
‘It just feels hipper’
Pasadena native Judy Levinson, a 44-year-old mother of three, recently chose an episode of ‘Webster’ that originally aired in 1988 over a brand-new installment of Jay Leno’s comedy show. According to the stay-at-home mom, after watching a few minutes of Leno, the 80’s sitcom starring Emmanuel Lewis seemed “much edgier.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call myself an edgy lady, but even I can tell when someone is barely trying,” she said. “But that little Webster kid has some really biting, insightful things to say about life…especially compared to Jay.”
When asked if she used to be a fan of The Tonight Show, Levinson smiled.
“I suppose,” she said. “I mean, it was nice to know there was a program on that would put me to sleep. But now that [Leno] is on so early, I don’t want ‘comedy’ that’ll make me feel drowsy.”
Other things Levinson prefers watching include ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ and drying paint.
