Monthly Archives: February 2010

Writer too busy playing Xbox to update blog

‘Mass Effect 2′ also more important than querying, showering

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Script Track – February 9, 2010

Valentine’s Daily
Groundhog Day meets Cupid’s arrow when a womanizer is forced to relive Valentine’s Day over and over until he chooses the right woman.
Writer: Sally Johnson

A rogue TV producer invents a line of beautiful but troubled robots to serve as America’s next generation of reality stars.
Based on the 2008 Popular Mechanics article.

Stray Katz
A Christian family adopts a stray Jewish accountant named Joel Katz.
Writer: Ben Goldner

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Deadline Hollywood commenter not really a ‘Successful Producer Guy’

More like a ‘Cable Repair Guy’

Deadline Hollywood might be one of the industry’s most influential blogs, but because the commenting system is anonymous, much of the snark emanates not from actual members of Hollywood, but people who have no affiliation with the industry whatsoever.

“I know Jeff Zucker personally, and he’s twice as terrible as you say, Nikki,” Successful Producer Guy recently posted in the comments section. “I’ve worked with Zuck a lot over the years and it’s been no treat. I’ll be the first to celebrate when Comcast drops that turd.”

Despite identifying himself as “Successful Producer Guy,” Marvin James, the author of the post, is actually a cable repair guy from Omaha. Posting on Deadline Hollywood inflates his sense of self and makes him feel connected to the industry.

When asked if she would consider requiring site registration, Nikki Finke scoffed.

“Half the shit I post isn’t even true anyway!” she exclaimed. “Why would I hold my readers to a higher standard? This isn’t an actual news organization.”

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Writer working for free can’t figure out why pro scribes hate him

‘Those hacks are just jealous’ he claims

Aspiring screenwriter Josh Wellmeyer recently took a break from five different unpaid “assignments” to address allegations that his free work is hurting other scribes, as well as the screenwriting community as a whole.

“Bullshit,” he said. “We’re all on an even playing field. I just happen to be a hundred thousand dollars less expensive than many of the pros, most of whom are hacks anyway.”

Added Wellmeyer: “Once you get past the huge money gap, it’s all about talent.”

Wellmeyer has even gone so far as to contend his actions are helping other writers.

“Those established guys are lazy as hell,” he said. “I’ve got like six assignments lined up and I haven’t had to pitch hardly anything. In some ways, I’m pushing those older writers to work harder for their money. I sure am!”

Producers couldn’t be happier with writers like Wellmeyer.

“It’s awesome. They totally devalue writers, making the process cheaper for us,” said an AMPTP spokesperson. “Sure, their work is kinda terrible, but we can always bring in a talented writer to fix it later. And since they’re so desperate, we can pay them a lot less than before. Thank you Josh Wellmeyer. Thank you.”

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Script Track — February 2, 2010

Knuckle Dragger
The man with the longest arms in the world must rob a bank to pay for his arm-shortening surgery. Based on true events. Shane Black rumored to script/direct.

Not So Jolly Today
The Jolly Green Giant goes on a rampage after G8 climate summit talks break down in Copenhagen.
Writer: Bob Anderson

The Penny Loafer
A slacker gets a telemarketing job that pays one-cent per phone call. He goes on to make $100k a year.
Writer: Jeff Gilles

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Light Monday Reading — 30 Rock Spec

If you’re bored, here’s a 30 Rock spec (PDF). That is all.

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