Officials at the Maruchan Corporation were recently surprised to learn aspiring screenwriter Bob Mallard of Santa Monica accounts for 12% of worldwide ramen sales.
“Breakfast, lunch, dinner…his appetite for our Styrofoam meals knows no bounds,” said Samuel Anderson, VP of marketing for Maruchan Instant Lunch Ramen Noodles. “But we’d be kidding ourselves if we thought he wouldn’t start buying real food should he happen to sell one of his high concept scripts. Oops, did I say high concept? I meant crappy. Don’t read them!”
While it’s not uncommon for starving artists to depend on cheap meals to get them by, even Mallard was shocked to hear he was having such a profound impact on a Japanese food conglomerate.
“Maybe I can parlay this into a script sale,” he said. “Like, if they don’t fund my next project I’ll stop buying Creamy Chicken Flavor or something.”
According to people who have read Mallard’s scripts, that “may actually be his best shot at success.”