Morgenstern retires after public ignores his scathing review of ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’

‘What’s the point?’ asks beleaguered WSJ film critic

morgensternJoe Morgenstern has seen his share of stinkers over the past 50 years, but the weekend box office numbers for ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still’ left the Wall Street Journal film reviewer so disgusted, he immediately sent an email of resignation to his editor.

“Clearly my work isn’t having any effect whatsoever,” said Morgenstern. “Most Americans would rather watch a bologna sandwich rot on screen than be challenged by films like ‘Milk’ or ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’”

According to Morgenstern’s review, the Keanu Reeves pic is “a dumb remake that’s insufferably full of itself…as cold and blank as the expression on Mr. Reeves’ face.” Despite Morgenstern’s unflattering review, the film opened to more than $30 million over the weekend.

“Ain’t that a bitch?” he said. “When I saw that number, I knew it was time to move on and do something that actually makes a difference, like reviewing video games. People actually care what the folks at IGN.com think.”

When asked what they thought of Morgenstern’s resignation, most moviegoers were apathetic.

“Who?” asked Bob Johnson of suburban Detroit. “Whatever. The effects were awesome! Plus I’d totally bang that brunette chick.”

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