Hollywood professionals return from “vacations” surprisingly orange

Refuse to admit they couldn’t afford lavish trips this year

ICM agent Lisa Rendell returned from “two weeks in Hawaii” refreshed, happy and dark orange, according to her assistant Molly.

“She looks like an Oompa Loompa,” said the assistant. “I thought she went to Maui, not the paint aisle at Home Depot. Her face is nasty.”

Rendell wasn’t the only one looking a bit off-color. Nearly 72% of industry professionals came back from their “warm weather destinations” looking as if someone slapped a coat of orange paint on their normally pale skin.

“It was like an army of George Hamiltons coming at me,” said a Beverly Hills Starbucks employee, of the unusually colorful morning crush. “I thought these people were supposed to be rich. Maybe they couldn’t afford vacations this year, but they didn’t want other people to know.”

Despite the telltale signs of spray-on tans, many in Hollywood refused to acknowledge the fake tanning.

“South America is so amazing this time of year,” said Mosaic producer Dan Flacco, resembling a member of the Gotti family. “Man, my life is fucking fabulous.”

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