Small-screen scribes suddenly getting laid at unprecedented rate
39-year-old Tom Castle recently bought condoms for the first time in six years, thanks in no small part to the ailing economy.
“Suddenly I don’t look so bad,” said the bald, gainfully employed sitcom writer. “The fact that I have a job right now makes me a lot more attractive to women. I hope this recession lasts forever!”
Unemployed actress Sarah Foley, who began sleeping with Castle last week in exchange for free meals and his help paying her utility bills, admits she never would’ve considered having sex with Castle if it weren’t for the financial crisis.
“He’s pretty disgusting, even for a writer,” said the 22-year-old actress. “I mean, the guy has moles on his forehead. But this is no time to be picky. I can always screw hot actors on the side while I get the money and support I need from Tom.”
According to a recent LA Times poll, women in Hollywood are now 64% more likely to date TV writers than they were eight months ago, and 92% more likely to have faked an orgasm in the past six days.