Little kids prepare for future Hollywood jobs by torturing bugs

Beverly Hills, CA — Johnny and Margie Hirsch terrorized their ant farms for three hours yesterday, learning some of the valuable skills they’ll need to become movie hotshots like their parents.

The kids even employed a sophisticated “crush and flush” method perfected by studio heads in the mid-eighties. Each time the worker ants made any progress, Johnny crushed them under his thumb and Margie flushed them out of the system with cold water.

“Maybe someday I can be a studio exec and crush a writer or director’s career like I crushed this ant,” said Johnny. “That would be so cool.”

The kids are always looking for ways to practice being Hollywood big wigs. Monday they plan to steal Randall Newbauer’s book and try to pass it off as their own during fourth period show and tell.

“Randall Newbauer’s a nobody,” explained Margie. “Mrs. Jensen would believe us over him any day of the week.”

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