‘This is just the break I need!’ exclaims irrational hack
Screenwriter Jake Friedman has been unable to land a literary agent for the past six years, a failure he attributes solely to the fact he wasn’t related to anyone in the biz – until now.
“I was talking to my mom yesterday, and she mentioned that my second cousin Karl just got a job on a desk at ICM,” said Friedman. “I’m so in, baby. It’s on like Donkey Kong!”
Friedman, a talentless hack from Illinois, currently slings burgers at a local Carl’s Jr. and writes science fiction screenplays in his spare time.
“I’ve had to dodge seven of his calls in two days,” said Karl Blankenship, Friedman’s reluctant relative. “I’ve only been at ICM for like a week…the last thing I want to show my boss is a 134-page shitpile about a race of alien sex slaves who need mankind’s help to escape their bug-like captors.”
According to sources, Friedman has already informed 11 people that he will be a full-time screenwriter by June.