Screenwriter’s wife wishes she married a funeral director instead

‘Even that would be less depressing’ says beleaguered spouse

Ashley Brenner thought she was marrying a creative genius when she tied the knot with her husband John, who had just quit his job as an ad copywriter to focus on a career in screenwriting.

“Boy was I wrong,” she said. “Turns out he was just a moody crybaby obsessed with an impossible dream. I would’ve been better off marrying that funeral director who used to stalk me at the bus stop. At least he’d be depressed for a good reason.”

According to Mrs. Brenner, her hopes of having a fun, social marriage have been replaced with nights spent watching TV alone while her supposed life partner is holed up in his study writing “some stupid comedy about a guy who invents flying shoes.”

Not to worry, says husband John, who has written 11 screenplays in the past four years but has yet to secure representation.

“This next script is the one,” he said, referring to ‘Wingtips.’ “I can feel it.”

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