WME assistants to be charged rent for using office space

Also limited to one free bathroom visit per day; $2 a flush after that

agent-talk-logoLess than a month after being assured he wouldn’t have to take a pay cut, WME assistant John Bellario learned he must pay $200 a week to occupy his cramped work area, effective immediately.

According to WME officials, the “employee space-leasing program” was necessary to cut costs and also account for the fact that many assistants will be treating the office like an apartment as a result of the 50-hour workweek recently instituted.

“Too long have we coddled our assistants with unlimited Internet access and free air conditioning,” said a WME executive. “One percent of those bastards will eventually get rich as a result of their years of sacrifice, so it’s time those little pricks started pulling their weight around here. This is an agency, not an orphanage.”

Despite the harsh working conditions, Bellario, a 28-year-old Princeton grad with a master’s degree in business, chooses to see the bright side.

“Apparently, $200 is a pretty competitive lease rate for such prime location, and it’s only a quarter of my salary,” he said. “I also plan to spit in my boss’s coffee every day for a month, so that will make me feel better, too.”

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