Wannabe screenwriter less talented than boss, secretary and janitor
Aspiring screenwriter Joe Grable has written more than a dozen scripts since 2002, but despite his belief to the contrary, this doesn’t mean he’s a better writer than his coworkers.
“Everyone at the office is jealous because they know I’ll be a big Hollywood writer someday,” said Grable, a claims adjuster at a Seattle-based insurance company. “I mean, I’ve been repped for six months now, so it’s clearly going to pop for me soon. I just feel bad for all my coworkers, stuck in their dead-end jobs.”
While Grable’s coworkers don’t wish him any ill will, they do dispute the fact that he’s the best writer among them.
“I’ve read Joe’s scripts, and frankly, they’re fairly mediocre,” said Jerry Smith, Grable’s boss. “Now Tony the janitor…that guy can write. I once read a self-published novel of his, and he’s way more talented than Joe. Also, Glenda from accounting once wrote me a birthday card I enjoyed more than any of Joe’s scripts, which he incessantly forces us to give him feedback on.”
Added Smith: “Of course anytime we give him criticism, you can see that vein in his forehead bulging. Then he mumbles something about talent and stalks off in a huff.”
Thought it was just something extras did in movies
Jeff Belsin has spent the last 15 years in the bubble of Hollywood, detached from reality. So when his wife told him the garbage man didn’t take the refrigerator they left out behind the house, Belsin was perplexed.
“Wait, garbage men are real? People literally go around picking up trash for a living?” he asked. “I thought that was some horrible job writers made up to add grittiness to movies and episodes of Law & Order.”
After realizing her husband wasn’t joking, Belsin’s wife suggested it might be time to switch professions, or at least take a vacation.
“I’m beginning to worry that Jeff doesn’t realize there’s a world outside of movies where people struggle and lead normal lives,” she said. “His idea of struggling is when a movie gets stuck in turnaround and he doesn’t collect his production fee.”
According to sources, Belsin also believes people routinely trade places with animals, and cars explode when you shoot them.
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“I don’t understand it,” said Denwar. “I’ve tried to be as professional as possible with my query. I simply request that people hear what I have to offer, then respond with their address, phone number and name so I can send them a copy. It really is an amazing opportunity for everyone involved.”
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