Producer’s assistant a little too excited about hand-me-down holiday gifts from boss

‘Her life must really suck’ says coworker

gift-basketAmanda Cascarelli has been waiting for this moment all year long, when her boss lets her keep unwanted fruit baskets, candies and other inexpensive gifts.

“It’s just about the saddest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Cascarelli’s coworker Sean Cole, also an assistant at the company. “If a box of elf-shaped chocolates makes your eyes well up with tears, you’ve obviously got problems. She should just quit already and move back to Des Moines.”

According to Cascarelli, however, the gifts prove her boss really cares about her. They also help make up for the 11 ¾ months a year he spends berating her and calling her things like “fucktard” and “little miss moron.”

“When you get past his rough exterior, [my boss Jeff] is a real sweetheart,” said Cascarelli. “I mean, yeah, he keeps all the good gifts like the iPods and the Xbox consoles…but free toffee is pretty cool too.”

When asked what he thought of his assistant’s attachment to his unwanted gifts, Cascarelli’s boss shrugged.

“She’s fat, so I figured she’d want all the food,” he said. “Plus we’re letting her go tomorrow, so at least she’ll have a nice parting gift on her way back to Ohio, or wherever the hell she’s from.”

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