Monthly Archives: January 2010

Script readers go nuts over iPad’s new ‘skim’ feature

Also excited by plot detection app

The lives of Hollywood’s script readers just got a little easier, thanks to the new Apple iPad, which boasts an array of features designed to help lowly readers fly through the slush pile.

“I heard it has this facial recognition function that can sense if I’m bored while I’m reading a script,” said Thomas Martin, an assistant at UTA. “Then it automatically engages ‘skim mode’ so I only have to read every fifth page! I totally could have used this last night when I was reading that horror-comedy about giant bug people.”

Other features include plot detection apps, a touch-screen coverage wizard and perhaps the most innovative capability: the virtual reader.

“We’ve created four distinct ‘virtual reader’ personalities to review and respond to scripts,” said an Apple spokesperson. “There’s Angry Margie the wannabe-writer, Considerate Carl, the consider with reservations, Indie Mindy, the reader who hates mainstream scripts, and High-Concept Hal, who never thinks any ideas are big enough.”

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Writer pays entertainment attorney $175 to review ICM’s standard release form

Ultimately decides not to sign it

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Script Track – January 26, 2010

Set in 16th century England, a young William Shakespeare leads a band of violent skateboarding poets in their quest to rule the cobbled streets of London.
Based on a play by David Mamet

Oh No My Best Friend Is Pregnant With My Husband’s Baby!
Plot being kept under wraps. Tracey Gold loosely attached.

Syringe of the Nerds
A nerd develops a “cool serum” to give to his friends, as well as a “nerd serum” to give to the football team.
Writer: Alex Bond

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Producer has exact same ‘spontaneous’ idea in five straight meetings

Tries to pass off rehearsed feedback as genuine light-bulb moment

Uber-producer Jerry Burnett, the creative force behind some of Hollywood’s highest-grossing comedies, recently suggested the same story idea in five consecutive meetings. In each instance, he pretended the idea was the result of on-the-spot brainstorming.

“Hey…I just thought of this, but what if the main character was overly attached to his Blackberry?” mused Burnett, for the fifth time in as many meetings. “It’s not a huge thing, but it’s one of those details that could really impact this character’s arc. I mean, take it or leave it…just a random thought that popped into my head.”

According to Mark Williams, one of the writers who met with Burnett during the streak, the Blackberry note was “interesting, but a bit forced.”

“It seems odd that we’d have a werewolf overly attached to his PDA,” said Williams. “It was almost like the idea fit into an entirely different story. Not sure what Jerry was thinking on that one.”

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THR Predicts Next Week’s Late Night Jokes (1/25-1/29)

Predictions for Letterman, Kimmel, Ferguson, Fallon:

Last week, the world’s tallest man met the world’s shortest man at a promotional event in Europe. No word yet on what Jeff Zucker was paid for the appearance.

The Supreme Court has ruled there should be no limit to what corporations can spend endorsing political candidates. That shocked Fox News contributor Sarah Palin, who knew courts could be awesome, but not officially “supreme.”

In other news, President Obama will give his first State of the Union on Wednesday, presented by The Home Depot.

Octomom appeared in Star Magazine wearing a bikini. A lot of people have argued that the picture was Photoshopped, but the people at Star said her body was so ravaged, it was actually easier to just Photoshop your eyes before you looked at it.

The cast members of Jersey Shore have asked for $10,000 an episode for season 2. In lieu of the huge raise, they’d also be willing to accept a 2-year membership to the QuickGlow tanning salon.

Dozens of runners competing in a Chinese marathon were caught jumping into cars for part of the race. According to government officials, the runners never would’ve thought of something so sneaky if Google had just blocked news coverage of Jay Leno’s underhanded Tonight Show takeover.

An epic hockey fight in Russia’s under-10-year-old league resulted in a whopping 707 penalty minutes, and all the kids were sent to bed without their nightly shots of vodka.

Andy Dick was arrested for sexual abuse over the weekend after he groped another man and forcefully kissed him. Officials punished the comedian by placing him in a cell with one cot and six other men.

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Bitter nerd issues final demands to ‘Lost’ writers via message board

Comic collector and EverQuest champion Curtis Callahan submitted his final list of demands to the writers of “Lost” Friday evening, sending the show’s writing staff scrambling to meet the unemployed 31-year-old’s grandiose expectations for the program’s final season.

Using a message board entitled “Gamer Forum,” Callahan warned the show’s writers they have until the end of this season to deliver a final twist that not only wraps up every single story element ever introduced in the show, but also reveals some massive, mind-bending reality that was “there all along.”

Added Callahan: “And it’d better have the smoke monster.”

“You don’t say ‘no’ to Curtis Callahan,” said Damon Lindelof, the show’s executive producer and head writer. “His opinion is too important.”

Callahan also made a checklist of issues that he feels need to be addressed in the show’s final season, as well as areas in which he could have easily done a better job.

“That’s why we look to Callahan,” said Lindelof. “Because he knows a hell of a lot more about writing great television than we do. Take, for instance, the smoke monster. Had we only made it the focal point of Season 2 instead of the intriguingly volatile relationship between Jack Shephard and John Locke, maybe we could spend all day chatting with other misanthropic weirdoes instead of being stuck on this highly successful show.”

Callahan has been known to crack the whip when he feels his superior intellect is not being adequately served. It was reported last month that his blog review of “Avatar” caused director James Cameron to cry after Callahan referred to him as a “white-haired hack.”

“So many years of work,” said Cameron, lowering his head in humiliation. “All I wanted was his approval.”

Submitted by K.G. MadMan

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Roasty The Rabbit — 1/22/10

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Creepy children tired of Hollywood stereotyping them as harbingers of doom

‘Is it my fault I don’t talk much?’ asks eerily shy 8-year-old

omenkidFrom kids with large, sad eyes to vaguely ethnic youngsters sporting bowl cuts, hundreds of creepy children recently gathered outside the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences headquarters on Wilshire to stage a rally in protest of what they deem unfair stereotyping.

“My mommy watched Poltergeist, and now she doesn’t want to be alone with me,” said Lucy Wenville, 7, as she twirled a pigtail, her gaze focused on the gray clouds above. “Mommy doesn’t like little Lucy anymore. Soon the monster will get her…”

The throng of odd-looking kids in the audience showed their support for Lucy by silently nodding their heads, without blinking, while they clutched stuffed animals.

Organizers of the event say movies like The Shining, Village of the Damned, The Omen, and scores of other classics in the horror genre have been casting certain kids in the wrong light. And the trend needs to stop, they claim.

“If they keep making bad movies about us, I don’t know what we’ll do,” said Bobby Tallon, a third grader from Pasadena. “Sometimes I get so mad…that’s when the fires happen.”

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Writer criticizes everything about industry he desperately wants to be part of

‘Agents are so sleazy’ claims scribe who also dislikes 97% of mainstream movies

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Script Track – January 19, 2010

Virgin Dad
A gullible 32-year-old virgin is duped into thinking he has a son.
Writer: Emery Benson

The Whitest Space
The true story of a prolific novelist who suddenly develops writer’s block. Gripping.
Writer: Tony Gilroy

Lord of the Files
Three coworkers are locked into a remote office facility over a 3-day weekend…and only one of them will survive.
Based on the November 2004 Chicago Tribune article.

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