Monthly Archives: February 2010

THR Radio Report: Writer prematurely breaks up with girlfriend before selling script

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Producer ‘extremely passionate’ about 36 different projects

According to film producer Alex Whitmore, the key to having a successful career in Hollywood is demonstrating passion for your work.

“The more indiscriminate, the better,” he said. “I’m talking about the kind of passion you can generate at the drop of a hat, in a studio exec’s office, even though the project being discussed is a remake of some failed 70s sitcom. Shit yeah I can get excited about that! At least for a few minutes…”

In the past two weeks alone, Whitmore has displayed overwhelming support for nearly 40 different projects, claiming each of them is “near and dear to his heart.”

“There’s that one about the robot cat ninja,” he said, referring to the spec script he optioned last month. “So exciting! But I also love the story rights we purchased this morning from that small town witch doctor. They’re all my favorite.”

When told the term “favorite” typically applies to a single thing, Whitmore laughed.

“Sure, for losers,” he said. “You think I got where I am today by being a loser? I don’t think so.”

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New media gives aspiring scribe yet another path toward failure

Even in 2-minute increments, writer’s work still heinous

The advent of new media has created a growing demand for inventive storylines and compelling characters, but there’s still no market for the hackwork produced by 28-year-old scribe Andy Kaplan.

“[Kaplan] sent me an idea for a web series based on robot hamsters and their human lovers,” said ICM’s Bob Kelleren. “I don’t even know where to begin criticizing that one. ‘Hambot Love?’ Whatever.”

Undeterred by years of rejection by the film and TV industry, Kaplan has decided to focus his efforts on the digital front.

“I really think my writing caters to the shorter format,” he said. “I’m always getting feedback like ‘the writing doesn’t sustain’ or ‘the story sags in the middle.’ With webisodes, I only have to worry about keeping people interested for two or three minutes, tops.”

In addition to Hambot Love, Kaplan is also working on 13 different reality web series ideas and a mobile entertainment game based on shopping cart racing.

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Writer too busy playing Xbox to update blog

‘Mass Effect 2’ also more important than querying, showering

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Script Track – February 9, 2010

Valentine’s Daily
Groundhog Day meets Cupid’s arrow when a womanizer is forced to relive Valentine’s Day over and over until he chooses the right woman.
Writer: Sally Johnson

A rogue TV producer invents a line of beautiful but troubled robots to serve as America’s next generation of reality stars.
Based on the 2008 Popular Mechanics article.

Stray Katz
A Christian family adopts a stray Jewish accountant named Joel Katz.
Writer: Ben Goldner

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Deadline Hollywood commenter not really a ‘Successful Producer Guy’

More like a ‘Cable Repair Guy’

Deadline Hollywood might be one of the industry’s most influential blogs, but because the commenting system is anonymous, much of the snark emanates not from actual members of Hollywood, but people who have no affiliation with the industry whatsoever.

“I know Jeff Zucker personally, and he’s twice as terrible as you say, Nikki,” Successful Producer Guy recently posted in the comments section. “I’ve worked with Zuck a lot over the years and it’s been no treat. I’ll be the first to celebrate when Comcast drops that turd.”

Despite identifying himself as “Successful Producer Guy,” Marvin James, the author of the post, is actually a cable repair guy from Omaha. Posting on Deadline Hollywood inflates his sense of self and makes him feel connected to the industry.

When asked if she would consider requiring site registration, Nikki Finke scoffed.

“Half the shit I post isn’t even true anyway!” she exclaimed. “Why would I hold my readers to a higher standard? This isn’t an actual news organization.”

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Writer working for free can’t figure out why pro scribes hate him

‘Those hacks are just jealous’ he claims

Aspiring screenwriter Josh Wellmeyer recently took a break from five different unpaid “assignments” to address allegations that his free work is hurting other scribes, as well as the screenwriting community as a whole.

“Bullshit,” he said. “We’re all on an even playing field. I just happen to be a hundred thousand dollars less expensive than many of the pros, most of whom are hacks anyway.”

Added Wellmeyer: “Once you get past the huge money gap, it’s all about talent.”

Wellmeyer has even gone so far as to contend his actions are helping other writers.

“Those established guys are lazy as hell,” he said. “I’ve got like six assignments lined up and I haven’t had to pitch hardly anything. In some ways, I’m pushing those older writers to work harder for their money. I sure am!”

Producers couldn’t be happier with writers like Wellmeyer.

“It’s awesome. They totally devalue writers, making the process cheaper for us,” said an AMPTP spokesperson. “Sure, their work is kinda terrible, but we can always bring in a talented writer to fix it later. And since they’re so desperate, we can pay them a lot less than before. Thank you Josh Wellmeyer. Thank you.”

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