Guy behind ‘BennyBob12’ and ‘TheFuzzy1’ adopts ‘ScribblyGurrl’ persona
An over-the-hill former tennis star tries to get back on the pro circuit to impress the girlfriend of his much younger, more handsome rival.
Writer: Diane English
Revolves around people who are afraid to fly. Plot details not worked out yet.
Based on the best-selling novel.
Honey, I Ate The Kids
After a man accidentally cooks and eats his own children, he must figure out a way to tell the wife or find replacement children that look exactly like the dead ones. Broad comedy.
Writer: Bob Green
Also turned off by bolded sluglines
Sony executive Brent Albertson recently tossed out a Shane Black action spec after reading only seven pages.
“I was totally into the concept and execution, but it had way too many wrylies,” said Albertson. “How am I supposed to take this script seriously? The industry has adopted these guidelines for a reason.”
Despite the fact Sony has already committed $1 million to the script, Albertson claims he’ll do everything in his power to derail the project.
“That script is dead to me,” he said. “What I’m more excited about is this perfectly formatted spec by some vacuum salesman in Ohio about a killer ant infestation. Not a single typo in the whole thing.”
Black, one of Hollywood’s most respected action writers, understood the decision.
“I really should’ve cleaned that shit up,” he said. “I could get away with all those off-handed comments to the reader back in the 80s. Now that everybody and their sister has screenwriting software on their laptops, I need to rein it in.”
ICM script reader Josh Danali vowed to give his Hollywood dream at least four years to come to fruition. Then he read your awful spec screenplay about alien robots from the past, and he decided to quit the business after just six months.
“I knew I was going to move back to New Jersey by page 30,” he said of your screenplay, Robot Martians. “It was truly that bad.”
According to Danali, he suddenly realized that he didn’t want to be associated with an industry that even remotely entertained idiotic ideas like those found in your script.
“It wasn’t even the fact that the script was the worst piece of shit I’ve ever read,” he said. “I mean, it was. But the real worry was that I could actually see some agent or producer reading it and thinking ‘hey, this alien robot thing could work.’ That’s when I knew it was time to leave the biz.”
When asked whether you should continue writing, Danali suggested you may have a future in crafting direct mail copy for a marketing services firm.
** This THR Classic was first posted in October 2008 **
‘We’ll send you one or two copies next year…maybe’
A 30-year-old little person goes undercover as a Little League baseball player to catch a coach suspected of dealing drugs to minors.
Writer: Allan Jackson
When a school president decrees that all student-athletes keep a 3.0 GPA to stay on the team, the football coach hires a former player to kill the new administrator. Taut thriller.
Writer: Leroy Tillman
Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Based on the popular web video. Plot being kept under wraps.
Has been rejected by every location in greater LA
David Benioff, the writer behind movies like “Troy” and “Brothers,” recently admitted he might have to give up his dream of someday donning the green apron for Starbucks.
“I can only neglect my day job of writing successful movies for so long,” said Benioff. “At some point, I have to admit I’m just kidding myself about this whole coffee thing.”
Even some of Benioff’s friends and relatives, who used to encourage the writer to pursue his dream at all costs, have changed their tune of late.
“I’ve tried one of Dave’s espressos. No foam at all, okay? It’s not even close to Starbucks quality,” said his literary manager Guymon Casady. “And don’t even get me started on his customer service skills. Professional baristas know when to smile, when to make small talk – and when to warm the damn milk.”
Despite being turned down by every Starbucks location in greater Los Angeles, Benioff still checks the web for new stores opening within 30 minutes of driving time. He has also spent thousands of dollars on espresso gurus and job consultants, who have coached him on his coffee making and interviewing skills, respectively.
“It’s a competitive market for sure,” he said. “But a dream wouldn’t be worth achieving if any guy off the street could do it.”