Has been rejected by every location in greater LA
David Benioff, the writer behind movies like “Troy” and “Brothers,” recently admitted he might have to give up his dream of someday donning the green apron for Starbucks.
“I can only neglect my day job of writing successful movies for so long,” said Benioff. “At some point, I have to admit I’m just kidding myself about this whole coffee thing.”
Even some of Benioff’s friends and relatives, who used to encourage the writer to pursue his dream at all costs, have changed their tune of late.
“I’ve tried one of Dave’s espressos. No foam at all, okay? It’s not even close to Starbucks quality,” said his literary manager Guymon Casady. “And don’t even get me started on his customer service skills. Professional baristas know when to smile, when to make small talk – and when to warm the damn milk.”
Despite being turned down by every Starbucks location in greater Los Angeles, Benioff still checks the web for new stores opening within 30 minutes of driving time. He has also spent thousands of dollars on espresso gurus and job consultants, who have coached him on his coffee making and interviewing skills, respectively.
“It’s a competitive market for sure,” he said. “But a dream wouldn’t be worth achieving if any guy off the street could do it.”