Monthly Archives: April 2010

10 Least Used ‘This Meets That’ Pitches

Driving Miss Daisy meets Armageddon
Alien meets Kindergarten Cop
Die Hard meets The Little Mermaid
Gigli meets ________
Indiana Jones meets Bridget Jones Diary
Pulp Fiction meets Babe: Pig In The City
Lord Of The Rings meets Father Of The Bride
Chinatown meets Bio-Dome
Unforgiven meets Baby Geniuses
Battlefield Earth meets Roseanne

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Guy who just told you he’s a producer actually is one

‘Hollywood first’

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Script Track – April 27, 2010

Raisins In The Shade
Revolves around a retirement community not in Florida, but rural Illinois.
Writer: Jack Wendell

1,000 years after man’s extinction, a group of astronauts return to Earth and find the planet over-run by fauna and wildlife.
Based on that show “Life After People.”

Voicemail From Hell
Horror. The Devil leaves 666 people a voicemail on their cellphones. If they listen to it, they die.
Writer: James Wan

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Hot chick turned on by unemployed writer’s dedication

‘So you’ve been doing this unpaid for six years? Here’s my number!’

Hooters waitress Allison Brenner recently found herself attracted to unemployed writer Bob Smith, after learning Smith had been writing screenplays for half a dozen years, despite not earning a single penny from it.

“Talk about irresistible,” said Brenner, fawning over the 29-year-old scribe as he shoveled wings into his mouth. “So he hasn’t made any money. Big deal. Who wants some rich lawyer or accountant when I can have a man with real passion and tons of untapped potential?”

Added Brenner: “So what if he’s bald. Most artists are!”

Smith, who makes a living as an office temp in the greater Los Angeles area, wasn’t surprised at Brenner’s reaction.

“The ladies like a man with a plan,” he said. “Once I start selling some specs and move into directing, her decision to date me will pay off. She’s getting in on the ground floor here. Benderspink is reading one of my scripts right now, actually.”

When asked what else she liked about Smith, the gorgeous Venice native gushed.

“Oh he’s really intense about his work,” she said. “One time he spent a whole year rewriting the same idea, over and over. Plus he’s a fast typer. A guy like that…those must be some magic fingers.”

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THR Classic: CAA responds to query letters in record time

Form rejections sent out almost immediately

Widely regarded as one of the top agencies in Hollywood, CAA has not let the industry stature go to its head. Surprisingly, the representation powerhouse routinely responds to query letters in 48 hours or less.

“We like to get that form letter rejection in the mail as soon as possible,” said Judy Denton, an associate in CAA’s legal department. “We feel for unknown writers and realize the waiting can be hell. That’s why we’re committed to informing them (a) we have not read their query, (b) we will not consider their concept and (c) any similar ideas we get involved with in the future were developed independently.”

Adds Denton: “I think writers appreciate our expediency in the matter.”

The practice serves to remind aspiring writers that CAA hasn’t forgotten about the hardworking scribe still trying to get his or her foot in the proverbial Hollywood door.

“How could we forget about them?” asked Denton. “We send them close to fifty ‘status notices’ each day.”

The status generally being?

“Rejected. We have no interest in their scripts, thus the status of their project is dead on arrival.”

** This THR Classic was first posted in October 2008 **

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‘Writing office’ converted back to closet after latest rejection

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Script Track – April 20, 2010

A Martian travels to Earth and begins an illicit affair with the President’s wife, making people question everything they thought they knew about interplanetary love.
Writer: Lisa Steckerman

The Gargoyle Next Door
Plot being kept under wraps. Disney and Warner Brothers circling.


Upon learning the mental institution across the street has better tapioca pudding, a man living in a retirement home tries to get himself committed. Only problem? Nobody believes he’s crazy! Gosh darnit!
Writer: Jack Palone

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Aspiring screenwriter extremely receptive to positive feedback

Not so into constructive criticism

Successful screenwriters must be adept at handling feedback, a fact not lost on 32-year-old Bob Feldman, an aspiring scribe from Tennessee who’s completely open to positive reactions to his scripts.

“A guy in my writing group said my script was really funny, especially the parts with the two teenagers talking about sex,” said Feldman. “That’s really useful, because it means my writing is great.”

But that doesn’t mean Feldman is open to all feedback. When a friend suggested he develop a stronger arc for the main character, Feldman balked.

“Look, I can’t address every single note I get. I’m not a stenographer,” he said, before listing off all the reasons why the note made no sense whatsoever. “I do agree with what [his friend] said about the ending being hilarious, though.”

Feldman is currently unrepped.


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Agent pleasantly surprised to learn writer not over 40

‘Finally, I catch a break’ says literary rep

Moments after meeting potential client Andy Gorman, ICM agent Bob Halford exhaled deeply, excited that the scribe was neither bald nor 40 years old.

“Hollywood is chocked full of ancient hacks,” said Halford, patting Gorman on the back. “What are you, like 29, tops? You have a good 10 years of relevancy left. After that, well, let’s just focus on the positives right now, okay?”

Gorman, 35, whose maternal grandfather went bald at age 36, responded to Halford’s enthusiasm with a nervous laugh.

“That’s right, dude!” he exclaimed. “Don’t even get me started on those old fogies in my screenwriting group. It’s time those geezers gave it up already. Not me, though, I’m totally chillaxin’ with my tweeter page and stuff.”

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Laptop purchased for writing mostly used for porn

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