Moviegoers fail to recognize ‘brilliance’ of franchise based on household bleach

‘They just don’t understand marketing’ claims studio

Paramount’s Vice-President of Marketing Bradley Stanfield recently bemoaned dismal box office returns for CLOROXIA – the first in a trilogy of movies based on the household bleach Clorox. According to Stanfield, the public “wouldn’t know marketing brilliance if it wiped the dirt and grime right off their stupid face.”

“Why did Cloroxia flop?” he asked, wearing a stark white shirt and smelling vaguely clinical. “Moviegoers aren’t smart enough to understand the film’s brilliance – it’s totally funded and has the marketing sponsorship built right into the damn concept! What more do they want?”

The marketing veep wasn’t alone in his surprise that Cloroxia didn’t “clean up” in theaters. The film’s female star was also taken aback by the $5 million opening weekend total.

“My character battled all kinds of giant germlike creatures,” said Martha Stewart, who played the role of Captain Mom. “Plus, my vehicle in the movie could blast bacteria away with giant disinfectant lasers, just like Clorox…except without the lasers. It’s more of a fine mist or gentle cloth, depending on your choice of product. To be honest, both are equally handy.”

Studio execs remain hopeful that the franchise will recoup costs overseas and through themed merchandise.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Industry News

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s