Producer shocked to learn plumber won’t work on spec

‘So it’s just the writers?’

Longtime Hollywood producer Bob Hammond was recently surprised to discover that most people won’t work for free.

“I’ve been dealing with writers so long, I guess I forgot what it’s like to negotiate with a real professional. They actually require payment for their services,” said Hammond. “Usually I just pay screenwriters an empty compliment, and that’s enough to keep them plugging away another six or seven months.”

Hammond, currently having his bathroom remodeled, agreed to pay plumber Joe Escobar his full quote for the project.

“At first I thought I could find another plumber who might do the work for free. Like a really young guy just trying to cut his teeth in the home improvement business,” said Hammond. “But it turns out only screenwriters devalue their services by offering to work without payment. I think it has something to do with their low self-esteem…or that most of them are hacks.”

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