‘Is it my fault I don’t talk much?’ asks eerily shy 8-year-old
From kids with large, sad eyes to vaguely ethnic youngsters sporting bowl cuts, hundreds of creepy children recently gathered outside the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences headquarters on Wilshire to stage a rally in protest of what they deem unfair stereotyping.
“My mommy watched Poltergeist, and now she doesn’t want to be alone with me,” said Lucy Wenville, 7, as she twirled a pigtail, her gaze focused on the gray clouds above. “Mommy doesn’t like little Lucy anymore. Soon the monster will get her…”
The throng of odd-looking kids in the audience showed their support for Lucy by silently nodding their heads, without blinking, while they clutched stuffed animals.
Organizers of the event say movies like The Shining, Village of the Damned, The Omen, and scores of other classics in the horror genre have been casting certain kids in the wrong light. And the trend needs to stop, they claim.
“If they keep making bad movies about us, I don’t know what we’ll do,” said Bobby Tallon, a third grader from Pasadena. “Sometimes I get so mad…that’s when the fires happen.”
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Actor always on the lookout for scripts from strangers
International film star Russell Crowe couldn’t wait to get home last night so he could read bartender and aspiring screenwriter John Feingold’s romantic comedy “Drinking Buddies.”
“I came in looking for a beer,” said Crowe. “But I’m pretty sure I left with my next project. I mean, I’ve been offered scripts by waiters, prostitutes, limo drivers, police officers, the homeless, FedEx workers, gardeners and countless other random people – but something tells me this bartender’s story is the one.”
According to Crowe, it gets “extremely tiring” reading quality scripts from produced writers who have proven themselves time and time again. That’s why he’s always on the lookout for scripts from absolute strangers.
Feingold wasn’t surprised by Crowe’s enthusiasm for the project.
“Most Hollywood scripts are the same. This one isn’t like that at all. Any actor would be lucky to play the lead in Drinking Buddies,” said the bartender, who’s currently part of a writers’ group in Pasadena. “Russell wouldn’t necessarily be my first choice, but at least it would let him show his range.”
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Longest stretch since two days in May of 2003
64-year-old actor Gary Busey has been freaking people out on a near-constant basis for the last three decades, but Saturday saw a reprieve of his wildly erratic behavior when he made it to the grocery store and back without incident.
“Sometimes the mere sight of him will set off a riot,” said Vons supermarket manager Bob Smithe. “People literally run in every direction, hoping he doesn’t try to ‘read their aura’ or whatever the hell he’s doing when he grabs your face in his palm and starts chanting.”
But Saturday’s visit came and went without a problem, said Smithe.
“He just picked out his items, paid for them and left,” said the manager. “It almost freaked me out to see him acting so normally, but I’ll take that over him screaming at bad eggs any day.”
After arriving home, Busey was able to complete the 24-hour feat by not answering his phone or returning his emails until he woke up at 3 p.m. on Sunday. The normalcy stretch was ultimately broken when he told his agent he was planning to “annihilate Satan with some goat sacrifices.”
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‘Not even strong enough to rip a piece of duct tape’
After prematurely jumping on the 1980’s remake bandwagon, foolhardy producers recently admitted the film has no chance to move forward due to Richard Dean Anderson’s extreme old age.
“The guy’s old enough to be his own father,” said producer Michael Brody. “I wanted to have dinner with him on Tuesday to talk about possible storylines, but he had already eaten. It was only 4:45 in the afternoon!”
Anderson, who played the iconic MacGyver character back when he was 30 years younger and 100 pounds lighter, didn’t understand the decision.
“They said what now?” he asked. “And where’s my tapioca pudding? I can’t sleep without my pudding, and it’s already getting dark.”
The movie’s producers did consider replacing Anderson with a younger actor, but then opted to purchase the remake rights to Simon & Simon instead.