Tag Archives: Done Deal Pro

Despite being typo-free, screenplay still completely unprofessional

Proper spelling and punctuation fail to save dreadful script

Done Deal Pro message board member ‘Scribernator5’ was recently on the receiving end of a rude awakening after his script was torn to shreds by a manager at Evolution.

“Normally, I just pass on amateurish scripts like this,” said Mark Kaplan. “But I felt a real obligation to tell [Scribernator5 user Sam Engram] that he should save himself years of pain and just go back to Minnesota already. It was literally that bad.”

The script, entitled ‘Love Deputy,’ tells the story of a young sheriff who finds himself in the middle of a love triangle in the small town of Jameson, Minnesota. Unfortunately, the screenplay is woefully devoid of any redeeming qualities.

“From story to theme to structure…to dialogue to character to castability…to just about everything else, this one really blew,” said Kaplan. “I can say with complete certainty this writer has no future in Hollywood.”

Engram was utterly confused by the feedback.

“Two different paid consultants complimented me on the screenplay’s professionalism,” said Engram. “They said the action lines were clear, and they couldn’t find a single typo in the entire script!”

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Marginally successful writer views every message board thread as a chance to talk about his own ‘career’

Scribe fails to realize nobody gives a shit

Community college math professor Ben Wade recently twisted a Done Deal Pro discussion about screenplay formatting into a thread about the fact he is “a professional writer.”

“As a 15-year veteran in the publishing and film industries, I know a thing or two about formatting,” said Wade, who has spent the last three months doing a free assignment for one of the associate producers on the 1996 film Bio Dome. “My vast experience working with producers and hobnobbing with high-level publishing execs tells me you should keep the margins at one inch. I actually had a long debate with Tom Wolfe about this back when we were writing partners…sorta.”

The message board behavior is a pattern for Wade, who has shown an uncanny ability to inject proclamations of his own writing prowess into even the most unrelated discussions.

“This one time we were talking about making web shorts,” said a fellow Done Deal member. “Next thing I know [AgedScribe64] is bragging about the time he counseled a younger writer on the perils of switching agents. What the hell is that?”

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Screenwriter’s message board handle much more successful than him

Alter ego wise beyond actual writer’s years

Aspiring screenwriter John Brenner last visited Hollywood seven years ago, during which time he had coffee with a guy who was one of 14 associate producers on Home Alone 3. Brenner’s online alter ego ‘AListerGuy’, however, is much more accomplished.

“I’ve been in countless meetings with top producers,” AListerGuy recently posted on Done Deal Pro. “Gather round, children, for I am about to dispense precious wisdom gleaned from years of developing material with producers, studios, actors and reps.”

Never shy about offering advice to newbies, AListerGuy has also driven four actual, working screenwriters away from the boards.

“No offense, but your movies are crap,” AListerGuy posted in January of 2007 in a thread about production costs. “They shouldn’t spend another dime on one of your scripts. I mean, I respect your work ethic, but the only reason you’re successful is because of your connections. Well guess what? I have connections too, and they all say you’re a shitty writer. These are TOP studio executives, my friend. So maybe it’s time you get off your high horse.”

Brenner is currently seeking representation with his spec script ‘Blazing Paddles.’

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