Tag Archives: Hollywood

Writer criticizes everything about industry he desperately wants to be part of

‘Agents are so sleazy’ claims scribe who also dislikes 97% of mainstream movies


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Little kids prepare for future Hollywood jobs by torturing bugs

Beverly Hills, CA — Johnny and Margie Hirsch terrorized their ant farms for three hours yesterday, learning some of the valuable skills they’ll need to become movie hotshots like their parents.

The kids even employed a sophisticated “crush and flush” method perfected by studio heads in the mid-eighties. Each time the worker ants made any progress, Johnny crushed them under his thumb and Margie flushed them out of the system with cold water.

“Maybe someday I can be a studio exec and crush a writer or director’s career like I crushed this ant,” said Johnny. “That would be so cool.”

The kids are always looking for ways to practice being Hollywood big wigs. Monday they plan to steal Randall Newbauer’s book and try to pass it off as their own during fourth period show and tell.

“Randall Newbauer’s a nobody,” explained Margie. “Mrs. Jensen would believe us over him any day of the week.”

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Nikki Finke out with new book: ‘TOLDJA! How I Scooped Everybody’

Explosive tell-all promises to blow lid off entire industry

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Deadline Hollywood’s Nikki Finke is set to release her third book next month, the first since she skyrocketed to Internet fame as an industry darling thanks to her in-depth coverage of the Hollywood writers strike last winter.

According to Finke, ‘TOLDJA!’ will likely blow the lid off the entire industry and leave most of America slack-jawed with wonder.

“The hacks over at Variety and The Hollywood Reporter are too busy sucking up to Big Media to cover the important stories,” said Finke. “When people see what’s really going on behind closed doors in this town, they might stop watching movies and television altogether. At the very least, they’ll never turn on NBC again.”

The L.A. Weekly columnist has been uncharacteristically tight-lipped on the book’s contents, but her publisher has released a partial chapter list, hinting at a number of explosive scandals the 564-page tome may cover…

Chapter 1 — AMPTP: Collusion, Pyramid Scheme or Both?
Chapter 4 — What Peter Chernin Doesn’t Want You To Know About ‘House’
Chapter 5 — Guess Which Six Hollywood Executives Hate Me The Most

‘TOLDJA!’ hits shelves January 7, 2009.

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