Predictions for Letterman, Kimmel, Ferguson, Fallon:
Last week, the world’s tallest man met the world’s shortest man at a promotional event in Europe. No word yet on what Jeff Zucker was paid for the appearance.
The Supreme Court has ruled there should be no limit to what corporations can spend endorsing political candidates. That shocked Fox News contributor Sarah Palin, who knew courts could be awesome, but not officially “supreme.”
In other news, President Obama will give his first State of the Union on Wednesday, presented by The Home Depot.
Octomom appeared in Star Magazine wearing a bikini. A lot of people have argued that the picture was Photoshopped, but the people at Star said her body was so ravaged, it was actually easier to just Photoshop your eyes before you looked at it.
The cast members of Jersey Shore have asked for $10,000 an episode for season 2. In lieu of the huge raise, they’d also be willing to accept a 2-year membership to the QuickGlow tanning salon.
Dozens of runners competing in a Chinese marathon were caught jumping into cars for part of the race. According to government officials, the runners never would’ve thought of something so sneaky if Google had just blocked news coverage of Jay Leno’s underhanded Tonight Show takeover.
An epic hockey fight in Russia’s under-10-year-old league resulted in a whopping 707 penalty minutes, and all the kids were sent to bed without their nightly shots of vodka.
Andy Dick was arrested for sexual abuse over the weekend after he groped another man and forcefully kissed him. Officials punished the comedian by placing him in a cell with one cot and six other men.