Tag Archives: literary manager

Manager has no intention of ever sending out your script

Does plan on noting you to death, however

Evolution manager Alex Dernier really likes your romantic comedy screenplay “Love Ditty,” but he does have some notes.

“I know this is going to blow up most of the first two acts, and probably the third, but I think it’s necessary,” he emailed you yesterday. “We need to re-think the whole karaoke aspect. It’s been done.”

You were surprised to hear this feedback, but willing to go along with the note due to your irrational fear of losing your first rep.

“Let me think about that,” you replied. “Hey — what if they were both rock band groupies instead?”

Two minutes later, you had your answer.

“Sure,” Dernier emailed, instantly creating two months of additional work for you. “That might be kinda funny, I guess. Let’s try it!”

He then forgot all about you and called a more important client on the phone.

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Writer still pretending split with rep was mutual decision

‘It was just time for both of us to move on’ he lies

Unrepped comedy writer Mike Jenkins recently told yet another literary manager that his December split with Anonymous Content’s Andrew Gold was a mutual decision.

“It was totally amicable and mutual,” said Jenkins. “I mean, don’t contact him or anything. We just had creative differences, so it was one of those things where both of us decided to part ways. Now are you gonna sign me or what?”

Jenkins has already been caught in the lie on four separate occasions, but he continues to use it, as nobody has bothered to tell him that people actually know each other in Hollywood.

“What’s someone gonna do? Email Andrew and check up on me?” asked Jenkins. “Come on, nobody has time for that.”

Jenkins then fired off 47 more queries claiming he and Gold “had a great working relationship” that “ended respectfully.”

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Writer seeking first sale rejects manager seeking first sale

Irony lost on newbie scribe

Foot Locker cashier and aspiring screenwriter Teddy Benson recently turned down an offer of representation from a former UTA assistant-turned-manager, claiming the rep “hadn’t even sold anything yet.”

“Here I am with like eight or nine commercial, high concept scripts,” said Benson. “And this ‘rep’ wants me to put them in his hands just because he used to work in the UTA mailroom or something? How stupid do I look?”

When asked if he saw any parallel between his own situation and that of another young person trying to make his way in the business, Benson scoffed.

“I guess we’re both in our twenties, if that’s what you mean,” he said, before ringing up a pair of Nikes for a customer. “Other than that, we don’t have anything in common. Seriously, I need someone like J.C. Spink handling my career – not some no-name who will probably be back in Ohio after his management company folds next month.”

Benson is currently a resident of Iowa, but plans to move to Los Angeles after his first script “sells for like a million bucks.”

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Romantic sci-fi comedy westerns hot right now, claims sketchy manager

Tells his client to finish ‘Frontier Love In Space’ asap

The job of a literary rep is to understand the needs and desires of the market, manager Darvin O’Connell told his only writer client yesterday.

“And what the market wants right now is a great romantic sci-fi comedy western,” O’Connell explained to him. “Luckily I have an idea for one I think you should write.”

His client, a schoolteacher from Idaho, wasn’t so sure when he first heard the premise.

“It sounded like Darvin was just saying romantic sci-fi comedy westerns were hot because he wanted me to write ‘Frontier Love In Space’ for free,” said 44-year-old chemistry teacher Louis Coburn of Boise. “But then he explained that a lot of these triple-cross-genres had been set up recently. And I guess he would know…I’m way out here in Boise and he’s got a home office in Woodland Hills, California. That’s right next to Beverly Hills!”

O’Connell has already begun whetting the market’s appetite for the project.

“I’ve put out feelers with all my contacts at the studios,” he said. “Neither of them has returned my call yet, but I take that as a good sign. No news is good news.”

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