More like a ‘Cable Repair Guy’
Deadline Hollywood might be one of the industry’s most influential blogs, but because the commenting system is anonymous, much of the snark emanates not from actual members of Hollywood, but people who have no affiliation with the industry whatsoever.
“I know Jeff Zucker personally, and he’s twice as terrible as you say, Nikki,” Successful Producer Guy recently posted in the comments section. “I’ve worked with Zuck a lot over the years and it’s been no treat. I’ll be the first to celebrate when Comcast drops that turd.”
Despite identifying himself as “Successful Producer Guy,” Marvin James, the author of the post, is actually a cable repair guy from Omaha. Posting on Deadline Hollywood inflates his sense of self and makes him feel connected to the industry.
When asked if she would consider requiring site registration, Nikki Finke scoffed.
“Half the shit I post isn’t even true anyway!” she exclaimed. “Why would I hold my readers to a higher standard? This isn’t an actual news organization.”
The Year In TOLDJA!
15. Light Posting Today…Computer Crisis!
14. You Heard It Here First: William Morris-Endeavor Merger DEAD
13. TOLDJA! The Temperature Didn’t Break 80 Yesterday!
12. OMG! This Is Like So NOT A Gossip Site
11. Some Guy Is Going To Get Fired A Lot Sooner Because Of This Post…
10. Oops, My Bias Is Showing
9. Fourth Update: I’m Now Being Told The Story In That Other News Outlet Is 100% Wrong
8. Check Out This Link Where Someone Drops My Name
7. Ben Silverman GRRRRRRRRR
6. The Real Story About My Date With Jeff Zucker
5. I Just Got Paid $15 Million! Eat It, Variety!
4. EXCLUSIVE: Wheel Of Fortune Moving To 6:30
3. Allow Me To Get On This High Horse For A Second…
2. Update: I Just Tweaked My Archives To Make It Look Like I Predicted This Months Ago
1. Why The Fuck Is There Still Only One Picture Of Me On Google?
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‘Easier that way’ says Fox veep
Worried about being skewered in public for, say, choosing the wrong release date and trailer strategy, Fox marketing exec Brian Levin has taken the unprecedented step of having all his decisions pre-approved by Deadline Hollywood scribe Nikki Finke.
“The last thing I need is to be lambasted for not having my film at Comic-Con or something,” said Levin. “It’s just easier to check in with Nikki ahead of time so I don’t do anything that randomly sets her off. I don’t want the Ben Silverman treatment, that’s for sure.”
Mused Levin: “I wonder what Ben did to her, anyway. Must have been bad.”
Finke declined to comment on the details of her relationship with Levin, but she did admit that the arrangement should result in a “win-win for everybody involved.”
“It’s like I tell these people: You mess with the Finke, you get the horns,” she said. “Toldja!”
Fourth time this month
In a town where rumors run rampant, many Hollywood insiders have come to trust the articles on Deadline Hollywood as gospel. All this faith has led Nikki Finke to develop an exaggerated sense of importance, as evidenced by a recent post in which she referred to herself alternately as “God” and the “Supreme Lord of All Industry Scoopage.”
“I knew she was growing a bit of an ego,” said Larry Dernier, a frequent Deadline Hollywood reader. “But when she claimed only a deity like herself could have found the exclusive details behind the new CAA parking validation procedure, I realized just how messed up that chick really is.”
Finke, however, claims she’s perfectly fine.
“Look, I’m not saying I’m God,” she explained. “I’m just pointing out the fact that scoops as amazing as mine could only be produced by someone like God. And in that scenario, the person like God would be me.
Added Finke: “Toldja!”
‘Her shrill reign of terror has gone on long enough’ say agency officials
Negotiations between William Morris and Endeavor had been riddled with personnel and structural disagreements for weeks, but the agencies finally agreed to call off merger talks for a surprising reason yesterday: to prove Nikki Finke wrong.
“[Finke] always tries to get ahead of the news like some shrill gossip columnist,” said WMA chief Jim Wiatt, referring to Finke’s hyperbolic prediction last month that the deal would eventually go through. “She’s had a nice run at the top, but this is Hollywood, so we figured it was her time to go down.”
Endeavor’s Ari Emanuel agreed, noting that negotiations were actually progressing quite nicely until someone brought up the idea of nixing the deal to spite the LA Weekly columnist.
“On the one hand it’s tough because she’s basically in love with me,” said Emanuel. “We pretty much treat her like an extension of our PR department. At the same time, who can stand her? The idea of showing everyone how clueless she really is…well that was just too good to pass up, for everyone involved.”
When asked if spite was worth a deal that could benefit both companies, Emanuel shrugged.
“Only time will tell,” he said. “It’s not like we needed a new music division anyway.”
‘What? I thought it was a nice gesture’
Merger talks between Endeavor and William Morris Agency recently hit a snag when Endeavor head Ari Emanuel offered to put WMA’s Jim Wiatt out of his misery by taking him to a field and “putting him down.”
“Apparently, [Wiatt] wasn’t interested in that kind of arrangement,” said Emanuel. “I even offered to let him do it himself, on his own terms, but he wasn’t interested in that either. I don’t think he has a full grasp of the situation.”
According to industry experts, Wiatt may want to reconsider.
“If it were me, I’d rather have it over quick,” said a rival agency CEO. “In many ways, Jim really does remind me of Old Yeller, actually.”
When asked for comment, Wiatt scoffed.
“That’s just Ari being a prick again,” he said. “Everyone knows I’m indispensible, no matter what Nikki Finke reports on her blog. What the hell is a blog, anyway?”
Discussions are ongoing.
Explosive tell-all promises to blow lid off entire industry
Deadline Hollywood’s Nikki Finke is set to release her third book next month, the first since she skyrocketed to Internet fame as an industry darling thanks to her in-depth coverage of the Hollywood writers strike last winter.
According to Finke, ‘TOLDJA!’ will likely blow the lid off the entire industry and leave most of America slack-jawed with wonder.
“The hacks over at Variety and The Hollywood Reporter are too busy sucking up to Big Media to cover the important stories,” said Finke. “When people see what’s really going on behind closed doors in this town, they might stop watching movies and television altogether. At the very least, they’ll never turn on NBC again.”
The L.A. Weekly columnist has been uncharacteristically tight-lipped on the book’s contents, but her publisher has released a partial chapter list, hinting at a number of explosive scandals the 564-page tome may cover…
Chapter 1 — AMPTP: Collusion, Pyramid Scheme or Both?
Chapter 4 — What Peter Chernin Doesn’t Want You To Know About ‘House’
Chapter 5 — Guess Which Six Hollywood Executives Hate Me The Most
‘TOLDJA!’ hits shelves January 7, 2009.