Tag Archives: Paradigm

Paradigm tries to steal WME’s thunder by signing some comedy writer from Florida

‘Who’s shaking up the industry now?’ boasts Gores

agent-talk-logoParadigm Chairman Sam Gores had heard just about enough of the Endeavor-William Morris merger over the past few months, so he recently challenged his agents to make a big splash of their own.

The result?

“We got this hot new writer from Miami…or maybe Boca Raton,” said Gores. “This guy’s script is flat-out hilarious. Really, really funny. So I guess that begs the question: who’s making news now, WME?”

According to the press, it’s still WME. But that hasn’t put a damper on the spirit in the Paradigm halls.

“It’s almost like we’ve been waiting for our chance to pounce,” said one agent. “Now the time has come to show everyone what Paradigm is all about. Those guys at CAA and WME better watch their asses, because this new writer from Tampa Bay is just the beginning.”

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Agent’s boilerplate response gives eight more writers false hope

Terms like ‘fun read’ and ‘interesting characters’ entirely misleading

agent-talk-logoParadigm literary agent Mark Hamlin isn’t trying to ruin lives, but that’s exactly what he’s doing every time he sends another writer his standard rejection email, which contains a disingenuous mix of vaguely positive feedback.

“By using phrases like ‘you might be on to something’, Hamlin is fooling these horrible writers into thinking they should stick with it, as opposed to quit immediately, which is what most of them should obviously do,” said WGA executive director David Young. “These people are not WGA material, but Hamlin keeps encouraging them. On the upside, we make $20 every time they register one of their awful scripts with us, so at least something good comes out of it.”

According to Hamlin, he was just trying to be nice.

“Half the time I don’t even get past page 15,” he said. “But I figure if I send these people a cordial email with random comments that could apply to almost any script out there, who gets hurt in the process?”

Unfortunately, it would seem to be the writers.

“My wife divorced me because she couldn’t take my screenwriting obsession anymore,” said aspiring scribe John Parker, 49. “I tried to show her [Mark Hamlin’s] email so she knew how close I was to making it, but it was too late. Ah well, I’ll find a hot chick when I’m a big-time writer-director.”

Added Parker: “You saw the email. I’ve got a real ‘ear for dialogue’ and my writing ‘shows a lot of promise.’”

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CAA celebrates billionth lie told on behalf of — or directly to — its clients

Agency quickly claims number is untrue

agent-talk-logoIt’s a milestone 34 years in the making, and one that has brought the entire Creative Artists Agency together to celebrate the guiding principle of their company.

“We say whatever it takes to get the job done,” said CAA agent Bob Drake. “If that means telling a client their script was sent to Disney even though we have no intention of even reading it…that’s the discipline.”

The most common lies told over the last three decades relate to creating buzz for a project.

“Talent is circling. Paramount is interested. I’ve told them all,” said a CAA partner, who asked not to be identified because he told another partner just this morning that he would stop leaking quotes to the press. “We pride ourselves in representing only the best and the brightest. If that’s not actually the case, then we’ve got to lie our asses off to make people believe it is. This isn’t fucking Paradigm or Endeavor. We make real money here.”

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