Get ready for zero assignments, dead-end options and writer’s block in 2010
The screenwriting gods will continue their reign of terror on your life and career, they recently revealed at a press conference.
“You will be barred from the gates of Hollywood once again next year,” bellowed Goldbraddia, the god of format. “You won’t even be able to finish a new spec sitcom when I get done with your pathetic hack-brain.”
Concepsius, the goddess of high-concept ideas, agreed.
“Your best idea will be about a dog that can talk, as if we haven’t seen that one before,” she said. “You’ll wish you’d never been born, which will give you a great story idea about karma. But you will not write it down, and I will forever strike the concept from your memory, vexing you every day at work while you deliver nachos and fajitas to belligerent customers.”
According to the gods, you will also be given the opportunity to pitch an assignment at a studio, only to have your contact fired from the company and the project killed.
“But not until you’ve written three treatments on it,” said Frustrata, the screenwriting god of close calls and false hope. “Enjoy another year not making a dime from your efforts.”