Tag Archives: WME

THR Classic: Screenwriter confident readers won’t notice 9-point type

Behemoth World War II epic now a ‘breezy’ 118 pages

Josh Dernier had to pull out all the stops to get his script “Allied Forces” under the magic 120-page mark, but the Omaha-based screenwriter insists nobody will notice.

“The difference between 12-point type and 11-point type is imperceptible,” said Dernier. “So I shrunk it down another two points, reduced the margins to an eighth of an inch, and shipped that sucker out. Once people get engaged in the story, the script just flies by anyway.”

Despite Dernier’s confidence, WME reader Allan Frampton knew something was off the moment he started reading Forces.

“I thought there was a lot of black on the page, but I figured I’d give it a chance,” he said. “When it took me a half-hour to get through eight pages, I knew something was up.”

According to UTA assistant Bob Tunney, margins and small type weren’t the script’s only problems.

“In addition to sucking, the dialogue blocks were almost as wide as the action paragraphs,” said Tunney. “And I don’t want to sound paranoid, but I think some of the page numbers were doubled up. I swear I was on page five for like twenty minutes.”

When asked the original page count of the script, Dernier was vague.

“It wasn’t like 200 or anything,” he said. “But it wasn’t 150, either. I can’t wait to hear back from those reps I sent it to.”

** This THR Classic was first posted in February 2009 **

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2009: Or Everything That Happened This Year, In Satirical Script Form

.

Lists are great.

But sometimes you have to experience Hollywood events in script form. Like the year of 2009, for example.

Download 2009: The Script (PDF)

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Self-published novel won’t be adapted for screen

Amazon ranking of 1,220,408 fails to impress producers

It turns out Sandra Blank’s debut novel ‘Candy Love Karma’ will not be the basis of a major motion picture, despite the author’s every hope it would somehow kick off her screenwriting career.

“I mean, how many people can say they’ve had something published?” asked Blank, who has 2,000 copies of the novel stacked in her garage and recently changed her email sig to ‘Sandra Blank, published novelist.’ “So I paid some website to print it for me. Big deal. The point is I’m a working author, and Hollywood should recognize that. Most screenwriters have never even tried to write a book.”

Unfortunately, Blank’s 594-page novel is a winding tale through the mind of a moron, says WME reader Josh Brundell.

“The worst 10 pages I’ve read since I covered that one script about baby ninjas,” he remarked. “The idea that this book could in any way serve as the inspiration for a movie is so laughable, so utterly inconceivable, I almost think it might actually work as a spoof.”

Blank is currently working on her follow-up book tentatively titled ‘Chocolate Hate Fate.’

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WME assistants to be charged rent for using office space

Also limited to one free bathroom visit per day; $2 a flush after that

agent-talk-logoLess than a month after being assured he wouldn’t have to take a pay cut, WME assistant John Bellario learned he must pay $200 a week to occupy his cramped work area, effective immediately.

According to WME officials, the “employee space-leasing program” was necessary to cut costs and also account for the fact that many assistants will be treating the office like an apartment as a result of the 50-hour workweek recently instituted.

“Too long have we coddled our assistants with unlimited Internet access and free air conditioning,” said a WME executive. “One percent of those bastards will eventually get rich as a result of their years of sacrifice, so it’s time those little pricks started pulling their weight around here. This is an agency, not an orphanage.”

Despite the harsh working conditions, Bellario, a 28-year-old Princeton grad with a master’s degree in business, chooses to see the bright side.

“Apparently, $200 is a pretty competitive lease rate for such prime location, and it’s only a quarter of my salary,” he said. “I also plan to spit in my boss’s coffee every day for a month, so that will make me feel better, too.”

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Query letter overestimates script’s potential by $200 million

Any film based on ‘Thrill Squad’ destined to lose money

Aspiring screenwriter Jack McDonald insists his spec script ‘Thrill Squad’ is the perfect blueprint for a $200 million summer blockbuster, but WME agent Bill Weinstein isn’t buying it.

“A movie about elite roller coaster designers who have to save the planet from alien invaders?” asked Weinstein. “I don’t know what some of these kids are thinking.”

Upon learning McDonald is not a kid, but a 42-year-old lawyer, Weinstein shrugged.

“Sad,” he moaned. “Really sad. On the bright side, at least the guy has a fallback.”

Despite not getting a response from WME or any of the other five dozen agencies and management companies he queried, McDonald remains convinced Thrill Squad has blockbuster written all over it.

“I don’t understand why I haven’t had any read requests,” he said. “I mentioned this would be a perfect vehicle for an ensemble cast of Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Will Smith, Brad Pitt and a few A-list actresses – what more do they want?”

Added McDonald: “It’s like Dark Knight and Lord of the Rings, only better.”

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Agent forgets about script request two seconds after sending it

Writer obsesses over whether to send it FedEx Priority Overnight or standard mail

agent-talk-logoWhen WME lit agent Joe Shamrock responded to an email query with a simple “sure, send a hard copy,” he had no idea he’d just set in motion a chain of events that would end up costing writer Carol Degrassi six hours of mental anguish and more than $100 in shipping charges.

“At first I was going to send it regular mail,” said Degrassi. “But what if it didn’t get there until next week? He’s obviously really excited to read this, so I need to get the script out there pronto, before his interest cools on it.”

Degrassi, who received the script request around 10 a.m., spent most of the day frantically trying to sort out her options, while getting advice from friends and three different screenwriting message boards.

“People were telling me to relax, but this was a major agent at one of the top agencies in town,” she said. “I’ve finally made it. Almost.”

Despite only earning $13 an hour as a telemarketer, Degrassi decided to “take advantage of the project’s momentum” and send the script FedEx Priority Overnight for $101.50.

When asked if he was impressed by Degrassi’s passion, Shamrock wasn’t sure.

“Which script are we talking about?” he asked. “The one my sister gave me to pass along to Jude Law?”

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Paradigm tries to steal WME’s thunder by signing some comedy writer from Florida

‘Who’s shaking up the industry now?’ boasts Gores

agent-talk-logoParadigm Chairman Sam Gores had heard just about enough of the Endeavor-William Morris merger over the past few months, so he recently challenged his agents to make a big splash of their own.

The result?

“We got this hot new writer from Miami…or maybe Boca Raton,” said Gores. “This guy’s script is flat-out hilarious. Really, really funny. So I guess that begs the question: who’s making news now, WME?”

According to the press, it’s still WME. But that hasn’t put a damper on the spirit in the Paradigm halls.

“It’s almost like we’ve been waiting for our chance to pounce,” said one agent. “Now the time has come to show everyone what Paradigm is all about. Those guys at CAA and WME better watch their asses, because this new writer from Tampa Bay is just the beginning.”

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