A gullible 32-year-old virgin is duped into thinking he has a son.
Writer: Emery Benson
The Whitest Space
The true story of a prolific novelist who suddenly develops writer’s block. Gripping.
Writer: Tony Gilroy
Lord of the Files
Three coworkers are locked into a remote office facility over a 3-day weekend…and only one of them will survive.
Based on the November 2004 Chicago Tribune article.
Tony Hansen was recently less than 86 pages away from finishing his first screenplay when a devastating case of writer’s block set in.
Or so he thought.
“Actually, he’s just a terrible writer,” said Hansen’s roommate and longtime friend Bob Nobles. “I mean the guy barely passed English at community college, and now he works at Starbucks. Which of those things qualifies him to write movies?”
Hansen, on the other hand, claims even the most prolific artists get stuck every once in a while.
“Someone told me Tolkien had writer’s block for like six months while trying to finish The Hobbit,” he said. “My writing style is a lot like his, so I just need to figure out how to plot my way out of it.”
Hansen’s screenplay, entitled Space Cops, is about an elite squad of law enforcement officers who patrol space in the year 2613.
“Half the squad is human and the other half is robots,” said Hansen. “The first eight pages are great…but I haven’t been able to break through with a new scene since early June. It’s your classic case of you-know-what.”
Get ready for zero assignments, dead-end options and writer’s block in 2010
The screenwriting gods will continue their reign of terror on your life and career, they recently revealed at a press conference.
“You will be barred from the gates of Hollywood once again next year,” bellowed Goldbraddia, the god of format. “You won’t even be able to finish a new spec sitcom when I get done with your pathetic hack-brain.”
Concepsius, the goddess of high-concept ideas, agreed.
“Your best idea will be about a dog that can talk, as if we haven’t seen that one before,” she said. “You’ll wish you’d never been born, which will give you a great story idea about karma. But you will not write it down, and I will forever strike the concept from your memory, vexing you every day at work while you deliver nachos and fajitas to belligerent customers.”
According to the gods, you will also be given the opportunity to pitch an assignment at a studio, only to have your contact fired from the company and the project killed.
“But not until you’ve written three treatments on it,” said Frustrata, the screenwriting god of close calls and false hope. “Enjoy another year not making a dime from your efforts.”